Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Conversation With Lisa's Pimp While I Board Up Buildings


(Not in North Minneapolis, photo illustration from Flickr.com)

While I was tossing garbage on the truck, (see "landfill" entry) grabbing a few branches from a nearby yard, I noticed one of the buildings I thought was secure had a missing door board and was--here is the phrase once again--"wide open to trespass."

I didn't even have a reference number on this one...
...because it had never been called in. This was going to be the first time I'd discover and board without calling it in to 311.

The house was in a shambles, even more than most times. Copper ripped out of walls, everything destroyed, and a ransacked woman's purse in the doorway. No identification...lots of make-up. A wheat penny, 1958.

I dropped the purse outside the door before boarding up the house. Maybe some time I'll give the purse to a police officer, for what it's worth. You never know...it might be some kind of link to a more important crime. I guess I can't help but behave as though I'm in a neighborhood where most people give a crap, and to try to act according to my usual habits. A ransacked, stolen purse gets turned over to the authorities. Not ignored.

It will still be pretty pointless, though, I'm sure.

Next I went over to the "teddy bear house" on the other side of the block, on 31st Ave. right next to "415." I had found the perfect board for the front window, which looked halfway secure but was actually unlocked and could slide back. A pile of blankets was right behind the window but I'd never seen the blankets change position, so it seemed like the house wasn't being occupied repeatedly.

Lisa the Prostitute was walking with a big black guy, dressed in a stocking cap...he might have been somebody I saw walk up to "420 31st" once, while I was eating half a pizza with Scott on his step, and I called 911...but then he walked right back out, and I had to tell the operator, "Well, I was calling you about a trespass...but the guy walked right back out again."

While I hammered in nails, this guy asked me why I had been getting into Lisa's business, saying she was soliciting. I wasn't the po-lice, he said. I had no right to be "in her business."

I noticed the lack of a direct denial about the soliciting. I said I certainly had not intended to disrespect anybody. He asked me if I owned this house. I admitted I did not. He wanted to know why I was boarding it up, then. I explained the City of Minneapolis and the Hawthorne Neighborhood Association--to name merely two entities--wanted houses secured which were wide open to trespass. So I was doing what the City Government and the neighborhood associations wanted, and securing the houses.

"Shit," he laughed. "Shit."

"You have a good day, sir," I told Lisa's pimp, as he walked away.

I must say, the man is earning his fat commission. If I see Lisa standing on the corner, however, I will certainly call 911. And then I'll make a "Suspicious Circumstances" report the next day to 311. And I'll keep doing that, over and over, each time it happens...until some bean counter can't help but notice the fluctuation in his precious statistics.

Or maybe Lisa's pimp will just shoot me.

I wish I had some glossy brochure from a "help women get off the streets" type organization which I could hand Lisa the next time she's selling her (expletive) on the corner of 6th Street N. and 31st Ave. N.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Johnny, I have a question, Do you want to die? Dude you are putting your life in danger, you can't deal with people like that, they will shoot you.

Johnny Northside said...

Put your money where your mouth is or, in this place, where your fingers are on the keyboard. If you want to take out an insurance policy on my life, I'll sit down with you and agree to it, as long as my son is 50 percent beneficiary and the paperwork doesn't take too much of my valuable time.

You'll just be throwing your money away, though. Buy me some flower seed instead. Perennials. More bang for the buck, so to speak.

I mean, really, spare me the "urban war zone" melodrama. I joined the army right after Saddam invaded Kuwait in 1990. I volunteered to go to South Korea during a crisis with the North, TWICE.

But all I ever got was a decent army hospital job in El Paso, Texas and all my student loans paid off by the military. How frustrating.

My father was a genuine war hero in World War II. What do I have?

Silly, unarmed urban revitalization and being in--good heavens--PROTESTS like the "Battle of Seattle."

Honestly, it's a deep personal embarrassment. I hope my father can be a LITTLE proud of me, god rest his brave soul.

As for you, Anonymous poster...

Slithering cowardice is shameful to the whole human race. Quit articulating such embarrassing, cowardly thoughts, even anonymously.

What I'm doing is no different than any kind of "block watch" activity in any troubled neighborhood all over the United States. You don't read about massacres of block watch volunteers.

No, instead you read about a little old lady being murdered in her home in North Minneapolis because her block wasn't secure enough.

Oh, yeah, neighbors looked out for her a bit. But clearly her block wasn't secure. There was nobody like me there "aggressively giving a s---."

If somebody doesn't stick out their neck to secure these blocks, things will never change.

I have a bit of security training and I think this is FUN because that's my personality. My personality is not unique at all, I just blog about it a lot. It's just your ordinary "security personality" that thinks, day and night, "secure the block, secure the perimeter, secure the Corridor of Safety to the bus stop."

Read my Minnesota Daily column "Good luck with that." I'm just putting my feet where my words have been.

If my block is actually safe, decent people will buy the houses there for bargain prices. People want their own homes. But where can you get good deals? Everybody knows the North Side is full of bargains, but safety is an issue. I need to make my specific block safe so people will come for the good deals.

There are blocks which are quite nice, more quiet, relatively secure, even quite nearby. I need THAT kind of thing to wash over into my block, and the way to do it is to secure my block, the surrounding "perimeter" streets, and the Corridor of Safety to Bangkok Market and the bus stop at Lyndale Ave. N.

Today, I am alive. Johnny Northside does what he does, and Johnny Northside lives. So others can take heart and do some of the very same things, AT LEAST for a vacant house right next door or across their street or whatever.

SECURE THE VACANT HOUSES, CITIZENS OF THE NORTH SIDE.

It's your neighborhood. It belongs by right to decent people, not prostitutes, crack heads, and copper thieves.

My block could be a wonderful place, like so many other blocks on the North Side filled with empty buildings. These blocks can be anything people want them to be: artistic islands, urban ecotopia, the culmination of a lifelong dream of home ownership, all these things.

If decent people buy the many vacant buildings at a bargain basement price, soon the decent people will outnumber the indecent people, because there are THAT many empty buildings, many of them cool houses with nice features, and others good to tear down and build something new.

Already, my block is more secure due to my relentless boarding and calling city officials about problems. A massive amount of garbage was removed from "416 30th."

Progress happens every day, and a consciousness-raising video story is in production by Minn Post, right now. Hopefully, people will watch it and think, "Well, I could AT LEAST board up the house right next door."

My block will be secure. Decent people will buy vacant properties.
The risks I take are NOTHING compared to the stuff somebody like City Councilman Don Samuels has done, and Samuels is still alive.

Explain THAT.

Anonymous said...

""Read my Minnesota Daily column "Good luck with that." I'm just putting my feet where my words have been. ""


I wish there was a hyperlink to the column here rather than forcing me to google up your column.

Anonymous said...

I appreciate and respect what you are doing, but your reply to anonymous was lame. You are no better than anyone else concerned about their neighborhood, you just happen to live in the shittiest part of the city.
All self-important and condescending language aside, anonymous is sort of right. Lisa's pimp probably is the type of guy that would shoot you with little or no provocation. Although, it would make a great blog entry provided it just grazed you or bounced off a rib.
Idealism is hopeless without common sense. I hope you are armed.

Good luck with the battle up there.

Johnny Northside said...

Thanks, I'll take the luck.

I have never said I'm better than anybody else concerned with their neighborhood.

As for whether I live in the "shittiest" part of North Minneapolis, that's a judgment call. One would have to cite stats and so forth to make the case, not a mere subjective feeling or a series of colorful stories.

Yeah, being "merely grazed" by a bullet would make for great blogging, but I'll settle for merely "pretty good" blogging and try to avoid that kind of drama.

AGAIN--and sorry about the perceived arrogance or whatever--what I'm doing is mere "block watch" activity, no different than many volunteers who do the same thing. We just need more people to do it to really turn things around.

I write what I write so others who CAN do this kind of thing will take heart and WILL do this kind of thing. Yesterday, somebody "took heart" and adopted the house next door after talking with me and some of the Hawthorne Neighborhood Association people.

I'll write that story pretty soon in a blog entry.

I keep getting told this stuff about "oh, they'll kill you for looking at 'em the wrong way" and, really, it's that kind of attitude which keeps people away from lovely houses and great bargains.

On my block (and surrounding streets) there are great houses at great prices. If decent people buy up those houses, they will quickly outnumber and DEAL WITH the indecent people.

I put on boards and you know what? The boards are generally staying up. Every day the block is more secure.